I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Randomize
