He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
