Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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