I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
