you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
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