I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
