My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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