i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
