Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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