you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
