well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
