You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I love you. Go after that dick
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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