So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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