new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
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