official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Randomize
