I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
