Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
