I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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