I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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