I want to walk on stilts...naked
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Holy sore nipples Batman
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
