I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
