Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
