Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
