we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Randomize
