Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
