windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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