We're facebook friends in real life
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
