I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
