i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
