i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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