I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
