It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Randomize
