This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
