Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
