oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
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