Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
