Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize