Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
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