I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
