why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
