a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
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