i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize