that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I stole a fireplace last night.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
