So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
