I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
