After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
