god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Four minutes until I can fart!
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
