bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize
