i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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