I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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