my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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