She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
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