Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Randomize
