You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
