I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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