yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
