Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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