somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
