I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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